Baptismal Fear

During our experience as TiM pastors, we will encounter many pastoral firsts. Yet, most of the "firsts" will be repeated on a regular basis, like worship leading, communion, pastoral visits. In fact, most of the regular ministry roles we have done through seminary and internship. But there are other firsts - weddings, funerals, baptisms - for which we are not prepared. Experiencing these firsts is an important part of this program, because we are able to converse with our colleagues, learn from each other, and develop confidence in these ministry roles with which we are not familiar. Learning in a classroom, from a pastor/professor, or out of textbook, just isn't the same as practical experience.

The baptism first came for me last Sunday. I was anxious, excited, and nervous. I thought I was prepared. I reviewed notes from senior worship practicum and looked through the ELW. I walked through the pre-baptism teaching with the family and talked through the rite. I held Carter in my arms. I even was able to practice a baptismal rite with a doll and Trinity 4th graders, as I taught them how to be "guardian angels." (Guardian angels pray for the baptized, watch over him/her, light the candle and read 'Let your light so shine...' at the service.) Yet the fear that came with presiding over a baptism encompassed me.

But why? I have seen many baptisms and assisted in a few. All the words are written down, all I have to do is read the print. But what happens if I drop the baby? Worse yet, what happens if I trip and fall down the chancel steps. (Insert DC Talk here - 'What if I stumble, what if I fall, what if I lose my step, and make fools of us all"). Yes, we proclaim forgiveness, and there is no bigger forgiveness stage than at baptism, but I am not sure forgiveness would be abundant if I rolled down the steps with a baby in my arms.

So during the service, my mind was in another place. I led worship (all but preaching), but kept thinking back to the baptism and visioned what would happen. In sports, we are taught to vision the positive outcome of the game, play, or shot, and it will happen. But I was also taught to vision all of the mistakes that could happen, because then they happen in my mind, and not on the playing field. I am not sure if visioning came from this learning, or if I just worry too much!

Yet, when it came time for the baptism, an amazing thing happened....God intervened. God took over the rite of baptism. My mind no longer thought of the past or future, but God allowed me to be fully present as an active participant in what God was doing. I didn't worry about tripping, or even think about it as I descended the steps. That doesn't mean everything was smooth - we are still sinners after all - but God's presence took center stage, instead of the worries and vanity of an idiosyncratic pastor.

As I reflect on the fear of presiding at baptism, I thought that fear may be appropriate. What God does through us as called children is powerful. Called to forgive and receive forgiveness and to share the good news of Jesus Christ. Called to conduct baptisms, preside over communion, preach and teach, in the name of the triune God is scary. If it isn't, maybe we should reevaluate where God is in all this.

As times goes on, I am sure I will become more confident and less fearful in all ministerial roles. I won't have to worry about it being a "first" or count how many I have done, because it will be a normal practice. Yet, each time I stand to preach, give communion, baptize, and visit, my prayer is that God continues to remind me of the fear I felt, because it is a reminder of the awesome presence of God in our midst. It is God doing the work, and not me. May we never forget.

Pastor Rick

The Lingering Scent

Today a woman came in to the church for some assistance. There wasn't anything particularly stand-out-ish about this woman-- she was like any woman you'd see on the street. To be honest, I've even forgotten her name. But something about her has stayed with me...

She came in asking for gas money to help with her son-- his name I remember. He's 16.

But I didn't have anything to give. I offered her a list of other resources to check out, but she already had that list. I felt a little helpless... and guilty. In the end, all I could was offer to pray for her and her son. And so I took her hands, and began to pray for her. For peace and patience, for strength, for her son, and for support and relief to come... And then the nameless woman left, a tear streaming down her face.

I was anxious to move on. To not have to think about NOT helping this woman with what she needed. And yet, I couldn't move on... because she lingered. Her scent, lingered on my hands. In that brief, yet intimate, moment where we held hands and prayed together she left her mark on me. And I could not forget her, nor her story.

It made me think of Mary pouring the extravagent oil over Jesus' head and feet... how the scent must have lingered! The scent of love, of death, of service, of suffering... a reminder of the suffering Jesus was going to experience, an example of simple and pure love of neighbor.

And so it was with the woman I met today. The scent from her suffering hands lingered on mine own long after she was gone. Perhaps so that I am careful not to so easily forget the pain, suffering, and grief of those whom I meet.

~Pastor Alexis

TiM pastors: free installation upon delivery...

Well, this week the three of us TiMs were "put in our place" by Bishop Larry Wohlrabe of NW MN. That's how he described our installation-- a time when we are put in our place. And boy, oh, boy... do we need it! ;) I mean, seriously-- we must have needed some serious work, considering that they had to install us three times! Maybe they were worried it wouldn't stick. After three successful installations, under the hands of about a dozen members of the church who helped, I think we're pretty firmly planted in our place. So much so that two years from now, I bet they'll have a hard time uninstalling us!

But really, the installation service Sunday was an incredible day. Bishop Wohlrabe preached an excellent sermon about where to find our place in life... He advised me, Colin and Rick to "aim low." That is, to humble ourselves and to find our place among the least, the forgotten... to seat ourselves among those with whom Jesus would dine. And with whom would Jesus dine? With those who can't

make it on their own. With those who like to mooch off the Lord's Table. Yes, that means the poor, the outcast, the disabled, the sick, the troubled... but you know, it also means you and me. Because none of us can make it on our own-- we all need Jesus. And aren't we so lucky that we have a God who loves to let us mooch off God's own table of grace?!

Good advice for us new pastors as we begin these two years in this community at Trinity. Aim low, put ourselves where Christ would, remember that we're all in need of God's love and mercy, and to declare as often as possible that we're welcome to mooch at that Table of grace always. WINNER WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER! :)

The Changing of the Guard

Welcome to a new wave of TiMer experiences...

Before we begin to regale you with our tales of wonder, surprise, confusion, and satisfaction, I thought we'd better introduce ourselves. But since I wouldn't dare speak for my esteemed colleagues (yes I would-- that's why I'm writing now!) I will just introduce myself and my fellow TiMers as I have come to know them... hehe

Let me first introduce you to Colin. Colin is a MN native, having spent most of his time in the St.

Paul area. He went to high school in Ohio, in a small city that probably isn't on most of your maps. He went to St. Olaf College, but we don't hold that against him. After college he decided to explore the world a bit and moved to Edinburgh, Scotland where he worked in a men's addiction counseling center. While there he met the coolest Milwaukeean ever... me, Alexis! From there he went on to seminary at Luther, where he played a lot. Next he went on to Las Vegas for internship, had a wedding and began married life, and after graduation took a trip around East Africa and Jerusalem for a year. While at Trinity, Colin will be responsible for Young Adult Ministry and Evangelism. Colin loves MN politics, philosophy, reading the newspaper, and his sideburns. Oh, and his wife Jeni-- who is awesome!

Next, there's Rick. Rick is... kinda short. But, once you move beyond that, you come to find out that he's a pretty cool Wisconsinite from Rice Lake. Because he was too small to play football in college (I told you he was short), he decided to go to UW-LaCrosse to be a physical trainer.

Unfortunately for him (but lucky for us) that trainer thing didn't work out. Then, while working at Luther Park Bible Camp in Chetek (not Danbury... this is important) he met some cool folks who told him he should be a pastor. One of those cool people was so persistent, that he decided to marry her... well done, Lindsay! Rick went to seminary at Southern Seminary in South Carolina (yes-- they do have Lutherans there!). He did his internship and field work there in Columbia, SC as well. Now that he's here at Trinity, Rick will be doing Small Group Ministry and Caring Ministry. Rick loves Walgreens, softball (though his shoulder doesn't), football (he played with his seminary against mine... they were better-- but don't tell him that!), kittens who like to play hide-and-seek, and his lovely pregnant wife.

And then, of course, there's me! I am from "Mil-u-wau-kay: the good land." I'm a city girl at heart. This is important: Milwaukee, not Wisconsin. I went to college in Minneapolis at Augsburg College. I figured out right away that I wanted to go to seminary, which freed me up from the typical college angst to do all the things I wanted to. It rocked! I studied in Spain for a semester and it was great. Then after graduation I decided I didn't want to be a grown-up just yet, so I went to Edinburgh, Scotland with the ELCA's Young Adults in Global Mission program. There I worked with homeless adults and I met Colin. (No, he wasn't one of the homeless.) After Scotland I went back to Milwaukee to work as a bilingual teacher and as an HR person before I realized that I was finally ready to do the seminary thing. I moved out to Philly to go to seminary there. At seminary I got into my share of trouble, but had a blast. Now I'm here at Trinity (who'd have thought I'd end up here?), where I will be doing Social Concerns Ministry and Children's Ministry. I love all things green, laughing until I cry, So You Think You Can Dance, and tattoos.

Well, that's us. Soon you will read all about our crazy adventures, our steep learning curves in ministry, and how we understand this whole 'first-call pastor' thing.

Giddyup!

Pastor Alexis (on behalf of and unbeknownst to Rick and Colin)

Pastor Josh Farewell

Transition into Ministry -

For the last two years with a Rev. in front of my name. On internship I was occasionally called Pastor Josh, but during this stay at Trinity that has been my name most of the time. What does that mean? Did I earn that title when I was ordained two years ago? Is it going to be a part of my name for the rest of my life? I don’t know for sure, but I think of it more as something I stepped into a little more each day and week I spent at Trinity. Or maybe this experience at Trinity just helped me understand what the title meant a little more.

We are all ministers. Martin Luther coined the phrase “the priesthood of all believers” about 500 years ago, but we often forget this central, or rather decentralizing, component of our faith. By understanding every vocation as equally pleasing in the eyes of God, Luther democratized a ministry that had separated people into categories and put distance between a priest and their flock. This distance often led to an understanding that clergy were holier and closer to God because of their special calling. But Luther changed that Catholic understanding by holding up pastoral ministry as set apart, but not better than any other calling within the body of Christ.

So what does it mean to be a pastor? What did my time at Trinity teach me about that? Was I transitioning into something that was radically different than my calling as a Christian, or was it an extension of that calling? For me, being a pastor has meant being in a great position to invite people into this powerful story of Jesus Christ and God’s love for us again and again. And I’d like to think I lived out that opportunity to preach the gospel here at Trinity in many ways…some obvious ways, like leading worship and preaching from behind a pulpit (a really big pulpit!), and some not so obvious ones. Those are the ones I will probably remember the most. I have a feeling those memories will come back to me the rest of my life, because they represent such intimate connections with the lives of people here in this community.

I will remember visiting people in the hospital, counseling families after a death or accident, and sharing tears. I will remember scrambling during the flood trying to figure out who to call and what to do, before accepting that some days as a pastor you fill sand bags. I will look back with a smile when I think of the parking lot campfire with college students from different camp staffs leading songs together and making smores. I’ll remember camping in the Boundary Waters with guys from the young adult group, the storms and the sunshine, and the nicknames we came up with for each other. I will remember seeing Stephanie and Nate, through the miracle of technology, looking down at church members, “live” on the big screen, answering questions and talking about their lives as missionaries in South Africa. I’ll remember the unexpected opportunity of making friends with Haitians, especially with school children as we built a kitchen at their school. I told myself that I would preach as if they were in the room as I continue in this calling, and I will remember their faces and names for a long time. I’ll remember the hope I felt when presenting the idea of a new faith community for young adults to an assembly of local retired pastors, seeing the older generation’s genuine care and support for reaching out to younger generations. I’ll be proud if I find out that some of the things I helped with here continue, like gatherings of young adults from different churches and campus ministries, the event for young rostered clergy here at Trinity, that Emmy and I helped plan, the use of the Fair Trade cabinets and photo frames that Trinity members built to give us visual reminders of God’s mission for the world…in all these things I am reminded that I have been invited by God and this community to be among you in this special role., a role that invited me into the many lives and stories of this very special church.

A speaker at one of our TiM events said that what makes being a pastor unique is that we are invited into other people lives in a way that no one else is. That is truly the privilege that rises to the top of all these experiences. I am a pastor because I was called to be a pastor by all of you at Trinity—to walk with you and be invited into your lives in a unique way. I want to thank you for that privilege and these two years as a part of your ministry in this unique place. As I continue to transition into new ministries I pray that each of you might find your role here as part of the priesthood of all believers in a new way, because that is also a unique and special call for each of you. It is those calls that make this church what it is and it is those calls that will take this church where God wants it to go next! Blessings on that continuing transition into new ministries and new callings that help us follow the one who has been so faithful to us through all our transitions!

Pastor Emmy Farewell

When my time began here, many of you said two years would go by quickly. I didn’t believe you, but you were right. These past two years have been filled with learning and growing. You warmly welcomed me and encouraged me during my time in your midst. At a recent retreat, a presenter invited our group to think about experiences using our five senses. As I prepare to leave Trinity Lutheran Church, here are some of sights, sounds, smells, feels and tastes I will carry with me.

Trinity Lutheran Church…
• looks like sleepy 6th-8th graders tromping into the building on dark Wednesday mornings for release time, an overflowing sanctuary on Christmas Eve, hands creating quilts and small groups of people gathered together in a variety of places throughout the week.
• sounds like children in the daycare playing, the buzz of caring conversation, laughter, organ music, the Worship, Too! Band with saxophone riffs and two-hundred people praying the Lord’s Prayer in unison.
• smells like Easter Lilies, coffee brewing, 9th graders piled in a bus on the way to Camp Emmaus, fresh winter breezes and warm summer sunshine.
feels like solid handshakes, caring hugs, tears of compassion, soft prayer shawls and baptismal water droplets.
• tastes like Music on the Blacktop ice-cream with many toppings, open faced cheez-whiz sandwiches with a green olive in the middle, Wednesday night pizza with youth and Sunday morning bread & wine.

Through you, the people of Trinity Lutheran Church, I experienced Christian community in new ways. You make the good news of Jesus Christ come alive in vibrant, life giving ways. Words of thanksgiving fall short in expressing my gratitude for the time I have shared in this community. I can simply say - what a joy it’s been to share life with you! I wrap up my time as your pastor in the middle of July. Later this summer, I will begin sharing in ministry with Our Savior’s Lutheran Church in Valley City, ND as an associate pastor. In these bittersweet days, I give thanks for my time with you and look forward to engaging in mission with a new community, knowing that my experiences created a solid foundation for me as I continue in ministry.

Pastor Emmy

Pastor Marsha Farewell

Dear friends in Christ,

As you all know too well, two years go by quickly! I can hardly believe I am saying farewell to all of my dear friends and colleagues here at Trinity. As I think back on our time together, I think of so many ministries and so many good times we had together. I think of traveling to Haiti, building a Habitat house, selling fair trade coffee, hunger banquets, small groups, meals together, chatting in the hallways of Trinity, worshiping together, and being united with all of you around the communion table each week. With all of that and more running through my mind and heart, I am full of gratitude. Thank you for welcoming me into this community and for helping me figure out what it means to be a pastor. Thank you for your hospitality to me and for your continued hospitality to first-call pastors. Supporting first-call pastors is an important ministry for which Trinity is uniquely suited, and I hope you will continue to nurture young pastors for many years to come.

As for what is next for me, my last Sunday at Trinity will be June 13, and then I will return to Moorhead for the TiM farewell celebration on Sunday, July 11. And on a happier note, I will be married on June 19 to Brian Ballantine. We are incredibly excited to begin this new chapter of our life together and to finally live in the same city! I will be moving to Berkeley, CA, where Brian is pursuing an MDiv at the Jesuit School of Theology, and I will serve as a hospital chaplain at Alta Bates Medical Center in Berkeley for at least one year. After that, who knows!

Life is truly an adventure, and I am so glad I got to spend part of my adventure with all of you. Thank you for being a blessing to me and to many others. I carry you with me as I go – full of lessons-learned, joy and struggles shared, and full of the love of our Lord Jesus, which brings us together and then inevitably sends us out to live our faith boldly in new and exciting ways. I will miss you, but I know that whether we are in Minnesota or California, we are there with God who unites us in the body of Christ.

Grace and peace to you all,
Pastor Marsha