falling down and getting back up

Starting out on a walk at a park the other day, I noticed a child cross-country skiing up a small hill. Looking over a second later, I saw skis flailing in the air. I heard him calmly call, “Dad, Dad…Mom, Mom.” Making my way around the hill, I saw two adults some distance off. I figured the child must be okay. Going further, I saw him lying on the ground. His head faced down hill. He lay seemingly helpless like a turtle on its back. The boy’s skis continued to flail around, moving back and forth the in the air. “Dad, Dad…Mom, Mom” he called again. I chuckled at the sight before me.

And then, I started thinking. This is me: How often in my life do I cry out to God, “Dad, Dad…Mom, Mom…Help me. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to get up and get out of this situation.” Sometimes, I struggle with how to approach a ministry task in the church. Other times, I struggle with my own prayer and devotional life. The easy answer seems to be to sit and call to God, “Dad…Mom…Help me. I’m stuck.” I might even sit and mope for a while. Often in those moments, as I call out I feel like God isn’t responding. I feel that that boy lying seemingly helpless in a pile of snow.

Yet, in my better moments, I know that God is with me. The parents of that boy knew that he was fine, that he could probably get up on his own. With a little effort, with a little creative thinking, he would be able to get on his feet again. More often than not, I am able to deal with the struggles in my own life. With a little effort, with a little creative thinking, I will be able to get back on my feet again. God is with me, even if God doesn’t always intercede in the ways that I think God ought to. Sometimes, I just need to make an effort, to trust that God has gifted me and to get back up on my feet again.

How about you?

posted by Emmy

Sharing 'Doubt'

Yesterday I finally got around to seeing the movie 'Doubt' (it's at the cheap theater now - this is good). I was drawn to this film for obvious reasons - it's about a church, is critically acclaimed, and features fantastic actors: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, & Amy Adams.

I recommend it. If you are at all interested in religion or stories that deal with moral ambiguity, then it will give you a lot to think about.

In the film there are several short clips of sermons given by Father Flynn (Hoffman). In the first, he talks about the way that hardship and shared experiences of fear and doubt bring people together. At the time of the film, the people had recently experienced the death of JFK, and he cites that as an example of the way that being unsettled together can form bonds that are hard to break.

Then, throughout the film, you watch doubt and fear tear a church community apart.

This begs the question: do our doubt and fear bring us together? or do they drive us apart?

I think it's both - either one - depending on how we use these things.

When we share our suffering, listen deeply to each other, and create safe space where we can share our feelings honestly, even about unsettling things like doubt and fear - then these troubling things can bring us together and make us stronger.

Instead, too often, we take our doubt and fear and hide them. We pretend to be sure of ourselves and certain of all kinds of things that we cannot ever truly know. And it can drive us apart.

My hope for the church - for Trinity and the church at large - is that it will be a place where we can share our doubt and fear with each other. I hope that we will ask each other how we're doing and take the time to listen, even when the answer is disturbing. And I challenge myself to be more open with my own doubts and fears.

Before I go, a disclaimer: I'm hesitant to recommend movies that criticize the church w/o acknowledging what a wonderful, world-changing place it can be. & I'm hesitant to recommend movies that criticize the Catholic church among Lutherans who can be a little too critical of Catholics in the first place So take the film with a grain of salt...

Enjoy the show! And let me know what your reactions are - I'd love to chat about it.

posted by Marsha.

Josh's Report from the Front

So my Spring break was in Mordor this year...which was pretty cool...I guess...

This is actually at Dunes National Park on Lake Michigan. Chicago is in the background.

Hey people,

It's pastor Josh here. If you couldn't tell from the picture above. I just got back from a little vacation time in Indiana. It was cool. A little too cool for a spring break destination maybe but it was an adventure nevertheless.

It all started when...

I parked my car in a place where I hoped it wouldn't get towed, tried to finish up a bunch of work that would allow me this Lenten escape and took the 3AM Amtrack train down to Chicago last Thursday. As I walked down Jackson during rush hour, looking up at the Sears Tower, sucking down a Jamba Juice, with my oversized duffle helping me to stand out in the stylish big city crowd, I thought about how cool I was and how jealous all the people back in Moorhead and Fargo would be about my big city living...and then I promptly, and like a confused country kid, got on the wrong transit train. Thankfully, somebody helped me out of the train and someone else helped me on one that would actually get me to Indiana, instead of whereever I was heading!

My brother met me at the stop in Indiana and whisked me off to the last evening of academia at Valparaiso before Spring break. Sam is a first year professor in Christ's College, Valpo's honors program. He is a part of a program for professors transitioning into their first professorships the same way I am a part of the TiM program at Trinity, transitioning into ministry. Both are two year programs and both are funded by the Lilly Foundation. (Somebody ought to write a story about us, don't you think? Or make a Disney movie...naw I guess that probably's asking for a little too much) Anyway, my brother took me to a lecture about Wendell Berry, led by a prof. from Hope College (where Christian musician Sufjan Stevens went). It was pretty good. But I was glad I wasn't in college or seminary anymore and could listen on my own time and not be thinking about what would be on the quiz.

Anyway, I had a great week down in Indiana. My parents and their dogs/my dogs were at my brother's too for the first few days I was there, and it was really good for us as a family to share some time together. We went to the Edvard Munch exhibit at the Chicago Institute of Art (one of my favorite places). I logged about three miles walking in the museum that day (I know because I have a pedometer as part of our church's "walking fast" this lent). Munch's amazing. He painted realities of relationships, city life, even death in some really surreal but powerful ways. And he was Norwegian so there's some cultural pride involved in my admiration for him. I'd like to blog more about his paintings and that exhibit if I get a chance.

And I'd like to blog about going to the chapel of the Resurrection and meeting my friend Darlene and how I found out she had been called to be the first female ELCA campus pastor at Valpo (a Missouri Synod school)... ahh the controversy. Sounds like she's doing great!

And then I'd like to blog more about my trip in my brother's new car (first new car ever for anyone in our family) and how we went to visit my friends who are pastors in Ohio and who now have a kid named Karl (Carl?) who is quite the one year old evangelist...

...And how we got in a big rig and hit the road as a traveling evangelical team.

But that didn't happen even though the pictures might make it seem possible...

And then I'd like to blog some more about going to ELCA headquarters on Thursday and seeing all the bishops there for their big conference and presenting some of my crazy innovative ideas for the ELCA to the Director of the Evangelical Outreach and Congregational Mission, and getting a tour of the facility.

That's me representing on Higgins Road. The Conference of Bishops was meeting in the room behind me.

And then I'd like to blog about blogging and how I wish I had more time to blog about all this stuff. But I'll get to it eventually. Right? We'll see, guys. This will do for the Cliff Notes version. Thanks for reading! Talk to you soon!--Josh

a holy experience

Sunday Morning: The Word of God was proclaimed. Babies were baptized. Communion was shared. I believe God was present at worship Sunday morning, it just didn’t feel like it to me. Most Sundays, even in the midst of leading worship, I’m able to worship at least in some way. I am able to feel God’s presence in some way. Sunday morning was not one of those days. Rather, I found myself distracted and worried about what was going on around me. Is the sermon going too long? Will the children knock over the Paschal candle during the Baptism? Am I going to run out of bread at Communion? These questions and other concerns ran through my head, keeping me from experiencing God in worship—keeping me from having an experience of the holy.

But, thankfully, I believe God isn’t confined to the walls of the church building.

Sunday Afternoon: God met me in a gymnasium (albeit converted into a recital hall) as I listened to seventy singers clothed in blue. The music I experienced during a choir concert washed over me and filled my soul, as only a Holy Spirit thing can do. Some of the music was familiar—old hymns in classic, rich arrangements. Other pieces were new to me. They made my foot tap in joy. I felt a smile come to my face as a deep male voice broke through the melody, as a high soprano voice sailed above the choir and as a brief sacred silence filled the air at the end of each piece. To try to describe my experience beyond this almost seems futile. After all, it was I believe an experience of God—an experience of the holy.

Thankfully, God meets us in all sorts of ways and in all sorts of places.

posted by Emmy.