It's So Hard to Say GOODBYE

This is the sermon that Pr Alexis preached on Sunday May 20, 2012. On that day the congregation recognized graduating seniors, was the last day of Sunday School, and most importantly was Organist Peter Nygaard's final Sunday, after 27 years. There were lots of goodbyes... 

It had been a long day. I found myself back in my office, looking around at the empty walls, the faint smell of Lysol still lingering from yesterday’s thorough desk and table cleaning. Gone were the progress charts, stories, colored pictures, and helpful spelling hints from the walls. Gone were the little notes I’d posted around my desk, reminders of various tasks. Instead what was left was the pile of cards that many students had made me. And the poster that one second grade class made. And the tear stains on my shirt from the goodbye hugs I’d just gotten from several very upset kids who didn’t want to say goodbye.

It had been a long day. My last at Windlake Elementary, where I was now the most recent casualty in the public school budget cuts that unfortunately resulted in the termination of my position as Bilingual Instructional Support Aid, at a school that was primarily Spanish-speaking. It was hard for them to let go of one of only two fluent Spanish speakers on staff. But more than that, the goodbye was tough because over the semester—we had grown to care for each other. Both staff and students—they had all become so dear to me.

But now, I had to say goodbye. And it was so hard to say goodbye. What would happen to these kids? To Patricia, my little first grader who barely knew any English and who met with me once a day. To Evan, my tough fifth grader who was already starting to follow in his dad’s footsteps towards gang life. To sisters Ana and Veronica, who had spent most of the year homeless—couch surfing from home to home. To Mary, my colleague who I had grown close with as she navigated a nasty separation from her husband… What would happen to these beloved ones once I was gone? I worried about them, held on to my dreams and hopes for them.

It’s so hard to say goodbye.

I think Jesus understood a thing or two about the difficulty of saying goodbye. Here in the gospel, he sits with his disciples, his friends, on the night he’s about to be betrayed, before he will be executed. His heart is heavy. And in the few chapters previous to our gospel today, Jesus has been teaching his disciples, leaving them with final instructions and bits of wisdom. But in his last moments with them, heart heavy with worry and anxiety over what will become of his beloved ones, before heading to the Garden, he does the best thing he can for them… he PRAYS for them.

He knew his time with them was too short. That he had more he wanted to say or give. He worried about what would become of his students, his friends. Of James and John who so desperately wanted to be at his side, in places of honor. Of Peter who too often couldn’t see the whole picture. Of Thomas whose faith was strong but was full of questions. Of Judas who would be lost. What would become of these, whom he had grown to love and care for? True, God had entrusted these faithful servants to him over the last few years. And they had witnessed marvelous things! But, it was time. Jesus knew it. Time to leave them. Time to die.

It’s so hard to say goodbye.

You’ve been there, haven’t you? In that instant where you linger over those fleeting moments that quickly bring you to Goodbye? Filled with anxiety, sadness, heart-ache… unwilling to let go…

It is SO HARD to say goodbye.

Because goodbyes signal an end. An end of time together, an end to a job being worked, an end to a relationship… And when we’ve been so blessed, when we have had so much growth and so much hope being built together, as Jesus had had with his disciples and I had had with my staff and students at Windlake… when the hellos had been so good and fruitful… the goodbyes are always hard.

We are no stranger to goodbyes here. Today in the CLC at 11:10 we will honor graduating seniors, many of whom ready themselves to move out of the homes they’ve grown up in to move on to new jobs or college. It’s also the last day of Sunday School today, and our dozens of faithful teachers will say goodbye to the kids they’ve watched grow and learn all year. Then there are the goodbyes that will come in the next two months as the three of us TiM pastors prepare for new calls. And perhaps much more profoundly for us today, here, we ready ourselves to say goodbye to Peter, who has faithfully served this congregation for 27 ½ years by sharing his gift of music with us. As organist, he has touched so many through steady and thoughtful worship leadership on Sundays as well as at your weddings and funerals. Over the years, he has grown to be a dear and beloved figure in this worshiping community. And now it is time for Peter to retire.

It’s so hard to say goodbye.

But, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Something Jesus knew in those final moments before he was to be taken away from his friends… goodbyes don’t have to be THE END. Perhaps an end, yes, but THE END? No.    Not just because God had given them to each other, which God did. And not just because Jesus had loved, protected, guarded, and taught them for years, which he did. But Jesus knew that his goodbye wasn’t the end because his hopes and dreams for them lived on with him. He knew it wasn’t THE END because he held them in love and prayer.

Jesus prays that his disciples will continue to grow in love for each other and in fervent love towards God. He prays that they will be protected and united after he is gone. Especially as he tasks them with going on to do the work of the Church in his absence.

Because goodbyes don’t have to mean ‘gone from heart and mind forever.’  Just because we say goodbye, doesn’t mean a relationship loses its meaning or effect on us. Just because Jesus said goodbye to his disciples, doesn’t mean that their journey together had come to an end. His impact on their lives didn’t stop just because he was leaving. His goodbye wasn’t THE END.

Just because I said goodbye to the staff and students at Windlake doesn’t mean I still don’t think about the kids— where they are now, how they’ve grown. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t hoped the school has been spared more devastating budget cuts. It doesn’t mean that I don’t expect that the teachers have continued to educate with exemplary patience and grace. It doesn’t mean that they have forgotten me or the work I did with them. I left that place with love in my heart and prayers on my lips. And they stay there today. And so our goodbye was not THE END.

And just because we say goodbye today to Peter, along with the many other goodbyes we say in these coming days and months, doesn’t mean that our relationship together is done. Doesn’t mean that we are parted forever from each others’ thoughts. Holding each other in love and prayer, not just today but especially in the days to come, we trust that our goodbye is not THE END.

It IS so hard to say goodbye. 

But, we can take comfort in knowing that not only can our relationships live on in our memory, thoughts, and prayers through and after our goodbyes, but that in all of it—through our anxieties and fears and heartache, Jesus holds us in HIS prayers.

Today our Savior holds us in prayer. Whatever we need, whatever goodbyes are weighing on us today—it’s in God’s hands.

What prayers do you need today? What is getting in the way of your relationships, what goodbyes are heavy on your hearts? Whatever it is, be reminded that there is no goodbye so great, that it can separate us from the love of God. No goodbye so great that the distance can’t be covered by holding your beloved one’s fears and troubles, hopes and dreams in love and prayer, just as our risen and ascended Christ holds us in prayer.  Goodbyes may be hard, but they’re not THE END when our love and prayers live on.

Thanks be to God. AMEN.